As vaccinations increase and the prevalence of COVID decreases, restrictions have lessened, and life has been coming back to a new “normal.”  The transition back to life after this difficult year brings with it many different emotions.  While many children are excited to return to in-person school, sports and activities, they often also express worries.  Here are some tips on how to help your child with the transition.

Validate
Let your child know that it makes sense to find transitions both exciting and scary, and that you understand it. Even our pets are reacting to the shift back toward no longer having us home as much! Many kids have recently expressed fears about COVID, making friends, or starting new activities. Often in our attempts to soothe our kids we say, “don’t worry” or “that won’t happen.”  Instead, let them know that you get it: “It makes sense to feel worried about being inside with unmasked adults after being told to avoid that for over a year. I get why that is confusing for you!” or “I understand that it’s hard starting a camp when you don’t know anyone yet.”

Act confident
Often, we share our children’s fears, or are worried about how they will feel, which makes coping even harder.  Work together with your child to check the facts and develop a plan to cope.  For example, if your daughter is worried about COVID, you can help her look at the data on decreasing rates, read new studies together about the risk in children and outdoors, and learn about the safety procedures of the places she is going.  If children are worried about making new friends or being away from a parent after a year stuck together all the time, plan with them about how they can engage with peers and what to do when missing home.  Most importantly, act as though you know they can handle the situation and any uncomfortable feelings that may pop up.

Go slow
Transitions do not need to be all or nothing. Practice reentering life in a gradual manner: If a child is nervous about going to crowded places again, start with a small playdate or medium-size birthday party, or a hike on a trail that may be more crowded.  If your child is clinging to Purell when out and about, rather than removing it altogether, discuss when it is and is not necessary and practice using it slightly less.  Practice small adjustments outside of your child’s comfort zone until they feel ready for the next step.

Reward
After children practice facing new or uncomfortable situations, it is helpful to reward them. Let them know you are proud of them and allow them a special treat or activity to reinforce their success.

Consider what parts of this year you want to include in your “new normal”
While this past year involved many losses, both of loved ones and of missed milestones and activities, there have been some aspects that many have enjoyed. Some parents have enjoyed not commuting and spending more time with their kids. Some kids have preferred more unstructured time to play and less pressure. Discuss with your child what you each hope your new normal may look like as COVID wanes and what new limits may need to be reinstated, such as reduced screen time, as we can safely reenter society.

COVID-19’s enduring toll on us hasn’t just been physical – it’s been mental and emotional, too. None have been hit harder than you, the parents. You’ve held squirmy toddlers during conference calls, done dishes while supervising kindergarten over Zoom, and helped your confused and lonely teenager make sense of the “new normal” late at night. This is backed up by studies: researchers at Duke University surveyed over 600 parents and found that their well-being declined during the pandemic and worsened as the number of hardships encountered (e.g., income loss, illness, and caregiving burden) increased. In our clinical practice, parents often ask, “How can I best support my child during this difficult time and beyond?”

To answer this question, we turn to resilience — the process by which we adapt positively to stressors. The good news: You can help your kids become more resilient in many ways. Let’s start with perhaps the most important factor: Proactive parenting, the practice of being attentive to your child’s needs and intentional in how you respond to them.

Proactive parents are…

1. Consistent but flexible. During this period of uncertainty, you’ve likely struggled to maintain routines and behavioral standards. Maybe you’ve used TV as a last-ditch babysitter during work calls; or allowed your child to stay up extra late for some family time. If you have, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s true that children function best with structure. Routines help them learn about the world, operate at their best, and feel comforted and calm during stressful times. Yet, we also must model flexibility and compassion for our children. For instance, you can enforce limits on non-social activities such as gaming, surfing the internet, or watching television, but allow your child reasonable time to FaceTime with friends. As the weather becomes warmer, your family may benefit from sitting down to discuss the importance of exercising, spending time outdoors, and sticking to a regular sleep schedule. You could also brainstorm ways to implement those healthy habits every day.
   
   
2. Loving and supportive. Many children turn to parents during difficult times, and you have a choice in how you respond. When discussing upsetting topics, aim to be a “coping model” rather than a “mastery model.” For example, you can say: “I understand it is really disappointing that you can’t have a large birthday party. I’m also sad about some of the events that we’ve had to miss this year. Maybe we can figure out a way to celebrate safely?” You can guide your child to name their feelings, so that they become familiar and manageable. Of course, it is important for you to cope constructively with your anxieties, as well as reasonably limit the amount of time you spend reading or watching the news. Families can embrace the extra time at home by starting new, fun activities, such as “Friday pizza and movie night.”
   
   
3. Attentive to their own self-care, which may otherwise be neglected due to the increased demands of child-rearing during the pandemic. Ask yourself, “What are my non-negotiables?” Maybe yours include plenty of sleep at night, wind-down time each day to read, or blocking out breaks to exercise. Don’t neglect your own support systems too: Now more than ever, we need our friends and family. Remember: Self-care isn’t selfish. When you model self-care and optimism for your children, you embody self-compassion, and, importantly, hope.