Validating Emotions: What It Is and Why It Is Important for Children
Credit: kegfire

Validating Emotions: What It Is and Why It Is Important for Children

by Lindsay Myerberg, Ph.D., Fellow, Resilience Across Borders Blog Post

If you’ve ever tried to calm a frustrated or overwhelmed child, you know how tempting it is to jump straight into problem-solving mode. You might offer reassurance or advice in hopes of helping them feel better quickly. But here’s the catch: if your child doesn’t feel understood, those words likely won’t land the way you want them to. That’s where validation comes in.

What is Validation?

Validation means letting your child know that it is okay for them to feel whatever they are feeling. It’s not about agreeing with their behavior or feeling the same emotion yourself. It’s about showing them you understand why they feel upset, even if you don’t fully relate to how they feel or approve of how they’re expressing it.

When kids feel truly seen and understood, they’re more likely to calm down and be open to support. Without validation, even the most thoughtful reassurance or problem-solving can feel dismissive or disconnected. Further, when you validate your child’s emotions, you relay the message that all feelings are okay. When we take time to pause and consider children’s emotions, we are teaching them to do the same – stop and notice the feeling without judgment. 

A Common Mistake: The “But”

We’ve all said it: “I get that you’re frustrated, but you have to do your homework.”

Even when it sounds caring, the word “but” can cancel out the validation that came before it. Try replacing “but” with “because:” “It makes sense that you’re feeling frustrated because you’d rather be doing something fun, because homework can feel boring or hard, and because it’s been a long day.”

Try pausing for a moment and asking yourself: Why does this feeling make sense? Think of at least three reasons. This simple shift can make a big difference.

What If I Don’t Know What My Child Is Feeling?

If your child is struggling to name their feelings, that’s okay. Start by strengthening your own emotional vocabulary. The more fluent you are with your own emotions, the better you’ll be at helping your child understand theirs.

One great tool is the How We Feel app: https://howwefeel.org/ It’s a free, kid- and adult-friendly tool to explore and label emotions. 

Bottom Line:

Validation isn’t about fixing a feeling. It’s about honoring it. When kids feel understood, they’re better able to regulate and move forward with your support.

Additional Resources:

Mental Health Is for Everyone: Kicking Off Mental Health Awareness Month with Connection and Care

Mental Health Is for Everyone: Kicking Off Mental Health Awareness Month with Connection and Care

by Laura S. Yee Breeding, PhD. Mental Health Awareness

💬 We Were Made for Connection

At Sunday’s Resilience Across Borders 3rd Annual free networking Mix and Mingle event, I was reminded of how much connection matters. The energy was vibrant, the conversations heartfelt, and the support—for youth and one another—was palpable.

We laughed, shared stories, and raffled off books donated by generous authors. But most importantly, we practiced something that’s at the core of our mental health: being present for one another.

🌱 Everyday Actions Matter

While I’m not a mental health professional, I’ve spent more than 20 years in education working with youth and families across beautifully diverse communities—urban, rural, multilingual, multiracial. What I’ve learned over and over is this: mental health is everyone’s concern.

It’s not just about having access to therapy (though that matters deeply). It’s about how we show up for ourselves and each other, every day. And the science backs this up:

  • Social connection protects against stress and depression.
  • Consistent routines help regulate emotions and promote resilience.
  • Empathy and validation support emotional healing in both young people and adults.

🧠 Mental Health Awareness Month: Why It Matters

Over this Mental Health Awareness month, you’ll see campaigns and hashtags—and that’s important. But real change happens in our everyday choices: the texts we send, the time we take, the ways we listen.

At Resilience Across Borders, we work to ensure that mental health care for youth isn’t something only available to those who can afford it or live in the “right” neighborhoods. But we also know that care doesn’t start and end in a therapist’s office.

It starts with you. With us.

💚 How You Can Support Mental Health in Everyday Life

You don’t need special credentials to support someone’s mental well-being. Here are five simple, research-backed ways to care for others right now:

  1. Reach out first. A quick “thinking of you” message can mean the world to someone having a hard day.
  2. Make space for real conversation. Be a listener, not a fixer. Your presence might be more helpful than advice.
  3. Share tools and resources. You never know who might need a mental health hotline, app, or community center—and doesn’t know where to look.
  4. Talk about mental health openly. The more we name it, the less stigma it carries.
  5. Model rest and boundaries. When others see you care for your own mental health, it signals that they can, too.

These are small things—but they are not insignificant. They’re the foundation of a culture that values mental wellness for everyone.

🌍 Building a More Equitable Future, Together

We’re proud that our networking event brought in a record-breaking number of new supporters and familiar friends. That community energy fuels the work we do to ensure youth from under-resourced communities receive the support they deserve.

Mental health shouldn’t be determined by your zip code, income, or identity. And we believe that together, we can change that.

So this month, I’m making a personal commitment to reach out more intentionally—to ask deeper questions, to check-in with the people I care about, and to show up with more presence in the small, everyday moments.

Because connection isn’t just something we talk about at events. It’s something we build, moment by moment, choice by choice.

Will you join me?

Let’s make Mental Health Awareness Month not just a campaign, but a practice—one rooted in compassion, equity, and the belief that we all have a role to play.

In care and community,

Laura S. Yee Breeding, PhD
Executive Director
Resilience Across Borders, Inc.